February 1, 2013 by Liberty
Hi! My name is MP5. I realize that you’re all very busy with your celebrity gossip and television watching but I just wanted to take the chance to let you know how I feel about a certain issue that I keep hearing about.
Recently, a lot of people have been talking about “Gun Violence.” I realize that losing loved ones can be difficult and I sympathize with your loss. I’m just confused whenever I hear the term gun violence. I’ve personally never seen any of my friends get violent. We’re just not that kind of inanimate object. In fact, based on the television that my owner sometimes leaves on, most of the violence I see comes from human beings. No, I’m not judging.
I just don’t understand why all these “People Violence” things are being called “Gun Violence.” I know you’ve probably never been told that before. I don’t have any hard feelings about it. With how interested you seem in political correctness, I just want you to know how bad I feel whenever I hear it.
Thank you for listening! Please, come to my place and we can share a beer and talk. My owner doesn’t really like it when I drink because it makes different parts of me sticky but either way, I’d share a beer with you. I swear. I’m not violent. I’m an inanimate object.