March 7, 2013 by Liberty
While I want to be wrong as much as the next guy (don’t we all?), there is absolutely no practical way that I believe a libertarian president will ever become anything more than common folklore. I know some of you may be doubters of that. Some of you think that Ron Paul really had a shot at becoming president. I mean, you voted for him, so it has to be physically possible for everyone else to… right? I’m not so sure.
I hate to disappoint you but (Don’t worry I won’t mention Santa) a libertarian president has absolutely no logical basis in reality at this time. In fact, according to my thorough and extensive (15 minutes) of research, it’s become very clear to me that unicorns are more likely to exist than a libertarian president. To all you silly old folks that insist upon proof for statements of fact, I shall oblige and provide (despite it being completely clear from common sense.)
There is absolutely no point in history that a libertarian has proven capable of being elected for president. Through hundreds of years of liberty being preached there have only been one or two presidents that even seemed to treat liberty seriously (Thomas Jefferson, Grover Cleveland.) (Updated: Maybe only Grover Cleveland.) Even they’re not quite libertarian enough for most people’s tastes. There is absolutely no precedence that would suggest electing a libertarian for president is even within the reasonable realm of plausibility.
Unicorns on the other hand…
Unicorns have been a strong part of storytelling for hundreds of years. While we may not have a recorded scientific record proof of their existence, they have been a major part of certain cultures in the past. Therefore, they must of had some precedence for them in their histories. There have even been some skeletal remains that have resembled unicorns. In fact, there is even recordings of unicorn activity. I mean… cause we all know that everything that we see on video is real.
Elections are decided on mainstream opinion. Any clear look at mainstream opinion suggests that libertarians don’t get too far in presidential races. They’ve barely broken the 1% mark in presidential elections and that breaking 1% was over 30 years ago. Libertarianism is not more popular than it’s been in the past. It may be getting close but it’s certainly not blowing any land speed records and it’s certainly not outpacing the growth of authoritarian and socialist beliefs.
Unicorns on the other hand, are more popular than ever. Everyone loves a unicorn. In fact, it holds a heavy majority of the female ages 4-8 demographic. It’s also breaking into a number of other demographics with groundbreaking films like Charlie the Unicorn. This is a trend that the mainstream opinion approves of.
Growth of Alternative Options
The options for libertarians around the country are growing faster than ever. In fact, the vast majority of libertarians today are falling right into anarcho-capitalist frames of belief. That means that voting completely works against their system of ethics.
There are also better options for the minorities and big businesses. Economically speaking, individuals and businesses tend to do what’s in their best interest. Minorities and lower classes think they profit off the slow leeching of other people. Businesses think that they profit off of the skinning of their sheep. That means neither of them have incentives to start changing their plan.
In fact, even the majority has better things to worry about than libertarian politics. I mean, who gives two hoots about presidential candidates when you can watch online porn or critique people on American Idol. There are much better things to do than good ol’ political thought. (Anarchy in action!)
But it has been proven repeatedly that their is nothing more fun than unicorns. People love unicorns! In fact, I love unicorns. They’re awesome. Let’s face it. Single horn on a horse is awesome. People have plenty of incentive to believe in unicorns.
Hope For A Libertarian President?
I want a president with a little bit of common sense as much as the next guy but there are some problems that will be coming up. Honestly, it may not be the time to allow a libertarian into office.
The economy is proving to be in trouble no matter what anyone does. There is no practical way that a libertarian can save the economy without a huge amount of pain for a lot of people. That means that, even if a libertarian gets elected, they’re just going to be remembered for pulling off the bandage and causing pain. There is no practical way we could expect them to save the day from the maniacs that made this house of cards. Perhaps we should just keep dreaming…
That is… about unicorns (and maybe a libertarian president.)